Ngabe nini futhi nini ukwabelana nomdlavuza wakho uma uthanda
Yini okufanele uyazi mayelana nokuphola ngemuva komdlavuza? Isikhathi esifanele sokuhlanganyela ukuxilongwa kwakho, futhi kufanele wenze kanjani lokhu?
Ukuthandana Ngemuva Komdlavuza
Masibhekane nakho: ukuphola kunzima kulezi zinsuku. Igcwele izinqumo ezingalawuleki, kusukela ekuhloleni ukuthi ungalinda isikhathi eside ngaphambi kokubiza, ukukhetha isikhathi esifanele sokuhlangabezana nabazali. Kodwa uma uphonsa ukuxilongwa komdlavuza kanye nokwelapha emadodaneni wokuthandana, kungase kube nokucindezeleka nakakhulu.
Isinqumo sokudalula umdlavuza wakho othandweni olusha luthando angeke kube lula ukwenza. Yini abayosabela ngayo? Ingabe uzobavusa? Ingabe bayokucabanga ngokuhlukile?
Ukunquma ukuthi ubani ozokutshela okubalulekile
Ngubani okhetha ukutshela ngomdlavuza wakho yisinqumo somuntu siqu. Abanye abantu bakhetha ukuthi bazithemba bani, kuyilapho abanye bevulekile ngokwengeziwe ngohambo lwabo lomdlavuza. Kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi awudingi ukutshela wonke umuntu oshade naye ukuthi unomdlavuza. I-Cancer ingase ibe yingxenye enkulu empilweni yakho, kodwa ayichaza ukuthi ungubani.
Uma kunjalo, kufanele utshele labo ababa yizicathulo ezingathà sina, mhlawumbe ezihlala njalo ekuphileni kwakho.
Ukunquma Nini Ukukhuluma Ngomdlavuza Wakho
Umbuzo uba-ke, nini isikhathi esifanele sokutshela? Nazi amathiphu ambalwa azokusiza ukuthi unqume ukuthi ungubani futhi utshele kanjani umuntu omusha empilweni yakho ngomdlavuza wakho:
- Lalela intuition yakho. Uzokwazi ngokuzi kahle ukuthi isikhathi siphi isikhathi sokutshela isithakazelo sakho sothando ukuthi unomdlavuza. Ukufunda kwakho, noma ukuzwa kwamathumbu, kuzokukwazisa ukuthi umzuzu ulungile. Kungaba phezu kwe-dinner yothando noma ngesikhathi sokuhamba eside. Kungenzeka kube isinqumo esizenzekelayo noma kungadinga ukuhlela. Khumbula ukuthi uma ungenasisekelo ngomdlavuza wakho, lokho akusho ukuthi umlingani wakho uzoba nomuzwa ofanayo ngawo. Igama elithi "umdlavuza" lenza abantu bangabe besaba. Batshele ngenkathi evumela ukuba bakwazi ukucubungula ngokwanele lokho okuyilethile.
- Ungalinda isikhathi eside kakhulu. Uma ulinde kuze kube sekudleni kokudliwa komshado ukudalula imfihlo yakho, bese uyilibala isikhathi eside kakhulu. Yebo, kunesikhathi esifanele sokukwabelana ngolwazi olunjalo olubalulekile, kodwa akuyona into okufanele uyiqede. Uma ulinde isikhathi eside umlingani wakho angase azizwe ethukuthele, aphumele noma athengiswe. Ubuhlobo obunempilo bukhula ngokuthembela, futhi uma ungathembeki, khona-ke umlingani wakho angathatha njengesibonakaliso sokuthi ungakhohlisa kwezinye izinto.
- Qiniseka futhi uzayo. Uma ukhetha ukukhuluma nge-diagnosis yakho nokwelapha, kubalulekile ukwenza kanjalo ngokuthembeka. Okwamanje usuqaphele ukuthi umdlavuza wakho awukuthintanga kuphela, kodwa nalabo abaseduze nawe. Umlingani wakho unelungelo lokukwazi ukuthi isifo sakho sibi kangakanani nokuthi singathinta kanjani ukuphila kwabo ngokuba nobuhlobo nawe.
- Yilungele ukuphendula imibuzo. Isoka noma intombi yakho cishe iyoba nemibuzo eminingi ukukubuza mayelana nohlobo lwakho lomdlavuza nokuthi likuthinta kanjani. Umlingani wakho angase afune ukwazi ngokuchazwa kwakho, ukwelashwa kwakho, noma uma ufa. Eminye imibuzo ingase ibonakale ikhululekile, kodwa khumbula ukuthi izikhathazo ezifanele futhi kufanele zibhekiswe.
- Yilungele ukuqhubeka nokuphendula imibuzo . Khumbula ukuthi sekuyisikhathi esiningi ukuhlangabezana nokuhlonza kwakho nakho konke okungase kusho. Imibuzo ingase ingabuyi konke ngesikhathi esisodwa. Isikhathi sizobasiza ukuba benze yonke into. Wonke umuntu uzosabela ngokuhlukile futhi kunzima ukubikezela ukuthi umuntu oyedwa angaphendula kanjani.
Ukubhekana Nezenzo Zomngane Wakho
Abanye abantu bangase babe nomuzwa wokuthi abakwazi ukusingatha ukuba nobuhlobo nomuntu onomdlavuza futhi bangase bachithe ukuba nobuhlobo bomshado nawe.
Lokhu kusabela kuvame ukwenziwa ukwesaba, kodwa abanye abantu abakwazi ukusingatha ukuba nomuntu ogulayo. Ukuphutha komuntu noma cha, ngeke ukwazi ukushintsha umbono wabo ngomdlavuza wakho, okulungile. Udinga abantu abakuzungezile abazokusekela futhi bakhuphuke phezulu, bangakuhlisi.
Uma uzizwa ukwesaba kakhulu ngokuhlanganyela ngokuxilongwa kwakho, ngoba ukhathazekile ukuthi ungathola lolu hlobo lokuphendula, ungase ufune ukuphinda uqale ngokubuka isimo sakho kwenye indawo. Ukutshela othile osanda kuqala ukuphola noma usuke waba sÃna nokuthi unomdlavuza kuyindlela enomlilo yokukhipha u-apula ama-apula omubi.
Labo abangakwazi ukusingatha ukuxilongwa kwakho ngenkathi ukuphola ngokuqinisekile kuyokwazi ukubhekana kangcono nokunye okukhathazayo okuvela lapho umbhangqwana uhlangana ndawonye isikhathi eside.
Ngethemba ukuthi intombi yakho noma isoka lakho liyakwazi ukwamukela umdlavuza wakho futhi ikubone esikhundleni salesi sifo. Awufuni ukuba banganaki futhi bangayinaki umdlavuza wakho, kodwa ukuze uqonde, wamukele futhi wazi ukuthi kungathinta ubuhlobo. Qinisekisa ukuthi ubanikeza umbono oqondile wokuthi umdlavuza ungathinta kanjani impilo yabo njengenye yakho ebalulekile. Uma bengakuvuma, umdlavuza nabo bonke, cishe uthola umdlalo omuhle ozohlala uthemba kulo lonke ukwelashwa nangaphezulu.
I-Cancer Akuyona Into Eyona Enhle
Uma ngempela wabelane ngokuxilongwa kwakho nomuntu ofanelekile, ekugcineni uzobona ukuthi akukhona kuphela ukuthi abantu bangabamba futhi bathande futhi ngemuva komdlavuza, kodwa umuntu oye waba nomdlavuza angase abe yinhle. Izifundo zisitshela ukuthi umdlavuza ushintsha abantu ngezindlela ezinhle , hhayi nje embi. Lezi zifundo, ezibheke lokho okuye kwabizwa ngokuthi "ukukhula okuthuthumayo," bathole ukuthi abantu abaningi baphuma ohlangothini olude lokwelashwa komdlavuza ngezinto ezibaluleke kakhulu, ububele obuningi kwabanye, nokuhlanganiswa kwamandla nokuthobeka okuthakazelisayo. Uma ingasebenzi okokuqala, ungayeki. Kungase kudingeke ukuba ubambe amaxoxo ambalwa, kodwa isikhulu sangempela (noma indodakazikazi) sizobona ukuthi umlilo womdlavuza ungabangela kanjani izinto ezinhle.
For Girlfriend noma Boyfriend
Uma kungenzeka ukuthi isoka noma intombi yomuntu othize nje utshele ukuthi banomdlavuza, kungenzeka ukuthi uzama ukuqonda lokho okushiwo ngempela. Khumbula ukuthi njengoba ubhekene nemicabango yakho, kungenzeka ukuthi kunzima kakhudlwana ukuthi omunye omusha wakho obalulekile abelane naye. Hlola amathiphu ambalwa kulokho okushoyo (nokuthi yini ongayisho) kumuntu onomdlavuza njengoba uqhubeka phambili kunoma yikuphi ukuqondisa okungcono kakhulu kokubili. Ungase futhi ufune ukuhlola le mibono " ukuthi uthanda kangakanani ukuhlala nomdlavuza " ukuze uthole ukuqonda okungakusiza ukuba uqonde.
Imithombo:
Cormio, C., Muzzatti, B., Romito, F., Mattioli, V., noM Annunziata. Ukukhula Kwama-posttraumatic ne-Cancer: Isifundo Esiyiminyaka Engu-5 Ngemuva Kokuphela Kwemithi. Ukondla Ukusekela Ekhanda . 2016 Dec 24.
Kolokotroni, P., Anagnostopoulos, F., no-A. Tsikkinis. Izimo Zengqondo Ezithinta Ukukhula Kwama-Posttraumatic Abasinda Ngomdlavuza Webele: Ukubuyekeza. Impilo yabesifazane . 2014. 54 (6): 569-