Ungalondoloza kanjani isimo sengqondo esihle futhi ugcine ikhanda lakho ngenkathi ukwelashwa umdlavuza ? Okokuqala, kubalulekile ukusho ukuthi akudingeki ube njalo. Eqinisweni, ukuvumela ukuba usizi futhi uzinike isikhathi sokuvutha intukuthelo yakho, ukukhungatheka, nokwesaba nomngane omuhle kubaluleke kakhulu njengokuhlala okuhle. Uyazihlonipha uma uzivumela ukuba uveze imizwa ozizwayo-kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ulungile noma awubi.
Futhi ngesikhathi esilandelayo uzizwa unesifiso sokukhahlela umuntu okutshela ukuthi "Konke okudingeka ukushaya umdlavuza kuyisimo sengqondo esihle," kunalokho ungabatshela ukuthi abukho ubufakazi obuhle bokuthi iziguli zomdlavuza ezinezimo ezinhle ziphila isikhathi eside.
Kodwa ake sibhekane nakho. Kumane uzizwa kangcono ukuthola ingxenye yesikhala igcwele. Futhi noma ubani obhekene nomdlavuza ngokuqinisekile kufanele afumane injabulo enkulu ngangokunokwenzeka. Lokho okushiwo ngendaba kukunika amathiphu ambalwa okukusiza ubone ingilazi njengengxenye egcwele-uma ubona nje njengesiqingatha esingenalutho. Sonke siyazi ukuthi isimo sethu sengqondo singashintsha kanjani lapho siphendula ifoni noma ilungu lomndeni noma ilungu lomndeni liphonsa, ngakho-ke ake siqale ngobuhlobo.
Zizungeze Abantu Abahle Namandla Enhle
Cishe ucabanga kakade ngalabo abangani namalungu omndeni oletha ukumomotheka ebusweni bakho nje ngokuba khona. Uma uzizwa isisindo sezwe emahlombe akho, zihamba njenge-ray yokushisa kwelanga futhi cishe cishe zilulaza umthwalo wakho.
Laba bangane abahle bakhona ukukusekela uma udinga, ungabuyeli emuva uma ufuna ukukhuluma ngezinkathazo zakho ezijulile futhi ulethe okuhle kakhulu kuwe, ukukunika ukucindezela kahle uma udinga. Bakhuthaza ukuba ube nesibindi uma usaba ukwesaba (futhi noma ubani othi angesabi ukwelashwa komdlavuza unenkinga ngokuthembeka,) futhi enze izinqumo ezinzima nokukhetha okuncane kunzima.
Ngaphandle kwabantu abalungile empilweni yakho, ukuzungezela ngamandla anamandla njengezincwadi ezikhuthazayo nomculo okhuthazayo kungangezelela ukuthintwa okunye kokuzijabulisa ukuze uhlale uhamba lapho ubhekene ne-tsunami eyaziwa ngokuthi ukwelashwa komdlavuza.
Nciphise isikhathi osisebenzisayo nabantu abanganaki futhi ususe ubuhlobo obunobuthi
Ngaphambi kokukhanyisa imizwelo, kubalulekile ukukhula ukhula ukuthi yini efana nokhula empilweni yethu. Ezinye zingase zicasule kodwa zingcono zishiywe yedwa. Abanye bangabhekisa ukukhanya, futhi bangcwabe konke ubuhle.
Ngezinye izikhathi kunzima ukugwema ukuthintana nabantu abanomqondo omubi-ngokwesibonelo, uma kungumama wakho noma esinye isihlobo. Kulaba besifazane, lokhu kungaba inselele ikakhulukazi uma nguwe odlala umlamuleli noma umphenyi emndenini yamandla omndeni. Kuyamangaza ukuthi kungaba nzima kanjani abanye abantu ukuzibeka kuqala-kodwa uma ulwela impilo yakho, awunayo ikhethelo ngempela. Sonke siyazi ngabantu ababi, futhi sazi ukuthi amazwi angalungile angaba kanjani. Ngabe lokhu kungalimaza kangakanani uma izivikelo zakho zisehla ngemuva kokuxilongwa komdlavuza. Cabanga ngomunye umuntu empilweni yakho ongayicela ukuba abe umkhulumeli wakho, "umlondolozi" wakho nge-se. Lowo muntu ongasho ukuthi "cha" ngawe uma kunzima ukuthi cha.
Umuntu ongasho ngokuzithoba ukuthi "yisikhathi sishiya" lapho uzizwa unamandla okwanele ukwenza kanjalo ngokwakho.
Kubantu abanesifo somdlavuza, ikakhulukazi izinhlobo ezithile zomdlavuza njengomdlavuza wamaphaphu, icala lingasetshenziswa esigulini, futhi ukuphawula okubhekisela kulokhu kungase kuzwe sengathi ukhonjwa uma usuvele usuhle.
Kukhona abantu ongase udinge ukugwema ngokuphelele, futhi uma uke waba nobuhlobo obungafanelekela "njengobuthi" ungase uqonde ukuthi igama elithi "vampires emotion" livelaphi.
Funda ukuphinda uqale kabusha
Ukucubungula kwengqondo kuyashintsha indlela obuka ngayo isimo noma ucabange ngomcabango.
Isimo asishintshi, kodwa wenza. Ngokwemibandela, kusho ukuthatha indlela yokushintsha umbono wakho ukuze esikhundleni sokubona ingilazi ingenalutho, ungabona ingilazi igcwele isigamu. Isibonelo noma ezimbili kungasiza ukuchaza lokhu:
- Uma uhlelwe ukuthi ube nezinhlelo ezingu-8 ze-chemotherapy, ungaphendula kanjani uma uhamba kancane? Ungabubula futhi ukhulume ngethoni yokwesaba mayelana nokuthi usadingeka kanjani ukubhekana nezikhathi ezingaphezulu ezine. Noma esikhundleni salokho, ungase uthi ngokukhululekile uthi, "Wow-ngiye ngawenza ngezikhathi ezine futhi ngine-4 kuphela esele!"
- Noma, esikhundleni sokusilahla ukulahlekelwa izinwele zakho ezinhle noma ezinamakhanda akho, ungadambisa labo abakuzungezile ukuthi ngokungafani nabo, awudingi ukuphuca imilenze yakho (owesifazane) noma ubuso (kumuntu) ngamaningana izinyanga.
Cishe noma yiziphi izimo ungenza ukuqhuma kancane, nakuba ngezinye izikhathi kudinga amahlaya amancane. Ngeke ube "ukholelwa" njalo isimo sakho sokurhola, kodwa ngokumane ukhulume ngokuzwakalayo ungase uzithole uzizwa ungcono. (Ngokweqiniso, kwakukuhle ngempela ukuba nemilenze epholile ngaphandle kokuthatha umzuzu ukushefa noma ukubhekana nick eyodwa ngezinyanga eziningi-nakuba kuthatha isikhashana ukuyikholelwa.) Ngokuzayo uma uzithola ucindezelekile noma phansi, zama lezi zindlela ukuvuselela isimo noma umcabango.
Cabanga nge-Mantra
Singase sihlabelele ngabantu ngokuthi "bahlabelele," kepha ukuqinisekiswa ngokwakho kuyindlela eyodwa yokubhekana nayo lapho ukugula kusongela ubuqotho bethu. Abanye abantu abanomdlavuza bathole ukuthi bangasiza ukuguqula imicabango yabo engafanele ngendlela ehle ngokuphinda i-mantra noma ibinzana. Isibonelo, ungase ufune ukufunda ukuthi ungayisebenzisa kanjani ukuzindla kweMantra ngokukhululeka kokucindezeleka. Ngokufanayo, ukuqinisekiswa-izitatimende oziphindaphinda ukuze uphinde uhlele ingqondo yakho engacabangi ukucabanga ngeso lengqondo isimo ngokukhanya okungcono-kungasiza.
Zizitholele Ngokujabulela Izintshisekelo Zakho, Zidala NezinguMusha
Yini eyenza ujabule? Yiziphi izifiso zakho? Phakathi nokuxilongwa okukhulu, imibono yesibili, kanye nokwelashwa, kulula ukukhohlwa ukuthi, njengoba enye yezingane zami ingathi; "Unomphefumulo." Thatha umzuzwana ukuvala amehlo akho uphinde ubuye ezweni lomdlavuza, futhi uphuphe izinto ongazithandayo ukwenza. Imicabango yakho ingase ikumangaze. Uma unenkinga ukuzifanela uzizwe unesithakazelo ngento futhi, cabanga emuva eminyakeni embalwa yokugcina yokuphila kwakho. Yiziphi izinto ezivelele? Akukona okwakudingeka kube yizinto ezivelele, kodwa okwenze ngempela injabulo enkulu.
Manje cabanga ngezinto ongakaze uzifeze, kodwa ngesikhathi esithile empilweni yakho ucabanga ukuthi uzokujabulela. Yini engalungile ngokuphishekela ukuthanda okusha manje? Phela, usanda ukufunda ulimi olusha (ozokwelapha) futhi udlala indima ebonakalayo enkundleni yakho ye-soap ye-Specialist Hospital. Ukuzivocavoca okujabulisayo kungase kucele umngane osondelene ukuthi luhlobo luni lokuthakazelisa noma ukuzilibazisa abakholelwa ukuthi kuzokulethela injabulo. Futhi ungase umangale lapho usho ngokusheshisa futhi olahlekile wenze eminyakeni eyishumi edlule kodwa usukhohliwe isikhathi eside; kanye nephupho.
Vele Uyenzele Wena
Ukwakha esiqongweni sokugcina, ingabe kukhona okuthile okudabukisayo (kodwa ephephile futhi ngokomthetho) owake wafuna ukukwenza? Asikho isikhathi esingcono kunanamuhla. Kungani ungadlala ngisho "ikhadi lomdlavuza" ukunciphisa noma yikuphi ukumelana okunikezwa ngumndeni wakho nabangane. Phela, ngubani ongaphika isifo somdlavuza? (Kungase kudingeke uqhube indlela yakho ngokumelene nokuphikiswa kwakho.) Ungaqala kancane. Mhlawumbe ngokuyala i-lobster kwimenyu, noma ngabe intengo ayikho ohlwini. Cabanga ngezinto ezithandwayo noma ukufisa okungenzeka ungalokothi uzilandele uma ungakaze uzivumele ukuba uzitholele. Noma ngabe yini oyenzayo, gxuma phezu kwakho. Noma yini oyenzayo: Nje. Do. It.
Thuthukisa Ukuzikhethela Kwakho Okuvamile
Ukuthuthukisa ubulili bakho ngesikhathi ukwelashwa komdlavuza akusho ukuthi ucansi. Lokhu akuhlangene neze nobulili nhlobo noma ngisho nobuhlobo. Kwabesifazane, yini eyenza uzizwe unomzimba? Uyakuthanda indlela i-nightgown enhle yama-silk ezwa ngayo ngesikhumba sakho? Uke waphuma konke futhi uthenge lingerie eyenza isikhumba sakho sifune ukucula? Yini enye eyenza uzizwe unomzimba; owesifazane njengowesifazane, noma owesilisa njengomuntu? Ingabe kukhona iphunga elithile? Mhlawumbe amakhandlela? Umculo we-Erotic noma we-Celtic, noma mhlawumbe nje kuphela lezozintandokazi ezisuka kumntanakho kanye nasekuqaleni kweminyaka emdala engakayeki ukukwenza uzizwe usemusha futhi uphila?
I-Cancer kanye nokwelashwa kwayo kungenza ukuthi ubulili bube inselele ngezikhathi ezithile, kodwa uma ufuna ukujabulela ubulili bakho / ubulunga bakho ngale ndlela, uhlangabezane nomdlalo wawo. Njengengqondo yokugcina, uma ubhekene nomdlavuza njengomuntu ongashadile-noma noma ngabe ushadile-kuthiwani ngokuzithumela incwadi yothando? Ngiyaqiniseka ukuthi kukhona izinto ezikhethekile futhi ezimangalisayo ngawe, inhliziyo yakho nemicabango yakho, okuwukuphela kwakho owaziyo. Awukwazi ukulimaza ukuzivumela ngokwakho, ngokubhala, akunjalo?
Yiba neqembu lokulala (Akuzona nje Amantombazane) kanye nokuhleka kwamaLots
Ukukhula, nini futhi kuphi lapho ukhuluma khona izimfihlakalo zakho ezijulile, amaphupho amakhulu kakhulu, nokwesaba okufihliwe? Ngamantombazane, kungenzeka ukuthi kwakuyizinhlangano zokulala, noma ekamelweni lakho lokulala endaweni ekolishi. Kubantu, ukulungiselelwa kuhlukile-mhlawumbe ku-bowling alley noma kwi-golf course. Kodwa ukusondelana, okungenani kuguquguqukiswe ubulili, kuyafana. Ubani ongabutha ndawonye ukuze uthole ukuhleka noma ngisho neqembu langempela lokulala? Isikhathi lapho ungahle uhleke kuze kube soda yakho ephuma ekhaleni lakho?
Asiqiniseki ukuthi ubani ongayenza ngokusebenzisa ukwelashwa komdlavuza ngaphandle kokuzijabulisa. Khumbula ukuthi kungadingeka ukuba nguwe oqala ukuhleka kokuhleka. Abathandekayo bavame ukwesaba ukwabelana ngemicabango yabo emincubeni kanye nemithambo yomdlavuza womdlavuza ngaphandle kokuthi ubeke isiteji. Kodwa uma wenza ... I-Cancer yisifo esibi, esesabekayo. Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi amahlaya amancane-futhi ikakhulukazi ukuhleka okuhle-ukuhleka-ngumuthi omuhle kakhulu oncologist angakwazi ukuwenza. Asidingi ama-lab coat ukwazi ukuthi kukhona into yokuhleka kwemithi.
Thola i-Linings yesiliva
Ngisho nasezikhungweni ezimbi kunazo zonke, ngokuvamile kunezinhlamvu ezimbalwa zesiliva. Ungacabanga nganoma yibuphi ubungane obunezikhukhula ngenxa yomuthi wakho wokuxilongwa ngomdlavuza, noma abantu ongakaze uhlangane nabo? Ngokuqinisekile, asinikezwa "umdlavuza" ukuze uthole lezi zinsimbi zesiliva, futhi uma kuthiwa konke, nginesiqiniseko ukuthi ngabe ungenalo "ithuba" lokubheka izinsimbi zesiliva. Kodwa uma unikezwa ngamafu, kungani ungabheka izinsimbi zesiliva? Kungenzeka ukukulethela amamatheka ambalwa.
Buyisa
Umuntu kuphela oye "waba khona" angakwazi ukuxhuma ngempela nomunye obhekene nomdlavuza, futhi abashiye ngengubo yomuzwa othi; "Angiyedwa." Uma ungaphezu kwamasonto ambalwa ukwelashwa, kungenzeka ukuthi usuzwile ukuthi uhamba ngezinsuku ezintathu noma amanye ama-fundraisers ngomdlavuza. Kungaba nzima ngokwanele ukuhamba ngisho nebhokisi lemeyili ngezinsuku ezimbalwa, futhi uma uzwile igama elithi "ummeli" kungenzeka usuvele uqalile ukucinga umhume ongakufihla.
Kodwa ukhathele kakhulu ukuhamba, ukugijimela, ukujikeleza, ukukhwela ngamadwala, ukudansa, i-scrapbook, noma ngisho nokuhlanganiswa komdlavuza kungase kube isibusiso esikhethekile ngokwayo. Phela, le misebenzi, nakuba ihloniphekile futhi ihlonishwa, ayikwazi ukuthinta inhliziyo yowesifazane onokuthula, onolwazi, oziqhenya futhi ehamba ngezinyembezi esitolo esitolo esiseduze. Ukuthinta okulula. Ukumomotheka ukwazi. Ukubamba kahle. Futhi-ke ukumshiya ukuze aqhubeke nendlela yakhe ne-chin chin yakhe nje. Njengodayimane, izinto ezinjengalezi ezibonakala ezincane zingakhanyisa enhliziyweni yomunye obhekene nalesi sifo isikhathi eside esizayo.
Imithombo:
I-American Heart Association. Phinda ucabangisise imicabango yakho. Kubuyekezwe 12/18/14.
Cohen, G., noD. Sherman. I-psychology yokushintsha: ukuqinisekiswa ngokwakho nokungenelela kwengqondo kwezenhlalakahle. Ukubuyekezwa Kwangonyaka Ka-Psychology . 2014. 65: 333-71.