Inkulumo ethi "ukuyeka" iye yathandwa eminyakeni yamuva, kodwa ukuthethelela nokuvumela ukuhamba kusho ukuthini kumuntu onomdlavuza? Kungani sigxila ukuthukuthela nokuthukuthela nokwesaba, futhi kuyini imiphumela? Futhi ungakuvumela kanjani ukuhamba kule mizwa nemizwelo ukuze uphile ngokugcwele emva kokuxilongwa komdlavuza?
Kusho Ukuthini Ukuthethelela Nokuyeka?
Ukuvumela ukuhamba nokuthethelela akusho ukuyeka.
Akusho ukubeka ukugcizelela okuncane ukwelashwa kwakho. Akusho ukuthi kulungile uma othile ekulimaza. Kusho nje ukuvumela ukuhamba kwemicabango engafanele ongayibamba engabambi futhi ingasusa, ikhono lakho lokuphila ngokugcwele. Kusho ukuqamba igama, bese ukhulula ukwesaba okujulile, intukuthelo, nokufutheka ukuze ukhululeke ukujabulela imizwelo emihle. Ngenkathi ukuthethelelwa kuyisinyathelo sokuvumela ukuhamba, akusho ukukhohlwa amaphutha akho adlule noma ukuxosha izindlela ozimele ngazo ngezenzo zabanye. Kusho ukuthi ungacabangi futhi uhlale emaphutha akho wangaphambili kanye nokuhlambalaza abanye ngendlela ebagcina behamba phambili engqondweni yakho njengokungathi kwenzeke namuhla. Ngale ndlela, ukuthethelelwa kuyaphulukisa.
Kungani Sigxila Ngokujulile Kubuhlungu Nezimo?
Uma intukuthelo nokuthukuthela kungenzi lutho empilweni yethu futhi empeleni kusonakalisa thina, kungani sibheke ngokujulile ukufutheka nokuzisola?
Ngezinye izikhathi kungenxa yokuthi asizange sikhombise ukwesaba nokuhlala nentukuthelo. Ngezinye izikhathi le mizwa cishe iba yiziqu zethu. Kodwa nanye izikhathi sinamathele ebuhlungu bethu ngesimo sengqondo sokuhlukunyezwa, ingqondo engasho ukuthi, "Wena ukunqoba, ungumuntu obalulekile futhi ukhuluma ngezindlela oye wazincipha futhi wazilimaza zifakazela inani lakho." Ngenhlanhla, kunezindlela, ngaphandle kokugcina intukuthelo nokufutheka okungakhumbuza ukuthi imizwa yakho ibalulekile.
Imiphumela Yengavumeli Ukuhamba
Ngenkathi kukhona ukuphikisana phezu komthelela wokuthi intukuthelo nokufutheka kunomdlavuza wesifo somdlavuza, into eyodwa icacile; ukuthatha isikhathi sokuvuselela intukuthelo kanye nechweba elibi liba isikhathi esiyigugu ezimpilweni zethu - kungakhathaliseki lokho kusho izinsuku ezingu-9 noma iminyaka engu-90. Yini ongayenza, noma ujabulele, esikhundleni salokho igcwele izikhathi lapho unakekela khona intukuthelo yakho nokulimala?
Uma othile ekulimaza, ingabe ufuna ngempela ukumnika lowo muntu ihora elilodwa empilweni yakho njengoba uphinde uphile ngokulimala; empeleni ukuguqula amandla akho kumenzi wecala? Uma intukuthelo yakho iphathelene nezinqumo zakho ezimbi, ingabe izokusiza, noma omunye umuntu, ukuba uzijezise isikhathi esisodwa? Cishe cha. Ukuyeka ukuhamba kungase kungabi ngcono izinga lakho lokusinda, kodwa kuzokwenza into eyodwa ngokuqinisekile. Kuzokukhulula ukusebenzisa amahora owashiye ukwenza okuthile okuzizwa kuhle kunalokho.
Yiziphi Izinto Umuntu Angenayo Ngomdlavuza Ofisa Ukuyeka Uhambe?
Ungase wazi ukuthi kukhona izinto okufanele uvumele ukuhamba ngazo, kodwa ungazi ukuthi uzoqala kuphi. Nanka eminye imibono. Ungase ufune ukuyeka ukuhamba:
- Noma yini eqala ngombhalo: "Kuthiwani uma ...."
- Noma yini ehambisane nemishwana "ingaba nayo, ingaba nayo, futhi kufanele ifake."
- Intukuthelo lapho uthola khona. Kungenzeka ukuthi ubuze: "Kungani ngenza?" Mhlawumbe waqala ukungazi, noma ukuxilongwa kwakho kwephuzile. Ungase uzizwe uthukuthele ngendlela umdlavuza oye waphazamisa ngayo izinhlelo zakho zokuphila, futhi uzizwe unomunyu ngezimpawu nemiphumela emibi yomdlavuza wakho kanye nokwelashwa komdlavuza.
- Ukulawula ubuhlobo bakho. Kuthiwa ukuthi into eyodwa ehlala njalo nomdlavuza, ishintsho. Ubudlelwane buvame ukushintsha ngemva kokuthola ukuthi unomdlavuza. Mhlawumbe ukhungathekile futhi uthukuthele omunye umuntu omcabangayo njengomngane oseduze, kodwa lowo mngane washayalala ngemuva kokuthola ukuthi uyaphila; waphela ngesikhathi lapho udinga ukwesekwa kunanini ngaphambili. Noma, ngokuphambene, mhlawumbe uzizwa uphelelwa noma uzwela abanye.
Izinyathelo 10 Zokuthethelela Nokuvumela Ukuya Kuzophila
Kulungile - ngakho kuhle ukuyeka. Kodwa uqala kuphi? Uma usulungele ukulahla leyo mithwalo enzima, zama lezi zinyathelo.
- Qamba Ngegama - Isinyathelo sokuqala esibalulekile ekuvumelekeni ukukhomba ukuthukuthela, ukwesaba, izinkathazo nokucasuka. Kuze kube yilapho usho ukuthi yini emi phakathi kwakho nenjabulo kunzima ukuyikhipha, futhi ungase ube nomqondo ongacacile wokungabi nabulungisa. Ukubuka uhlu lokuzwa amagama ngezansi kungakusiza ukucacisa ukuthi uzizwa kanjani, bese ubheka imbangela yalowo mzwa. Isibonelo, ingabe uzizwa uhlazo, ukudabuka, intukuthelo, ukufutheka, ukudumala noma ukuhlanganiswa kweziningana zalezi zemizwelo?
- Cabanga Ukudlulela - Ukugcina iphephandaba kungaba yindlela enhle kakhulu kokubili kokuchaza nokuveza izinto ezidla kuwe. Lokho kusho, kubalulekile ukusebenzisa i-journaling ukucacisa nokulungisa imicabango yakho, kunokuba ube yindlela yokukhanyisa ngezindlela ozenzile zona.
- Cabanga - Noma yikuphi ukulimala owutholile noma okuye wakwenza, cishe uye waphila ngezikhathi eziningi. Thatha umzuzu wokugcina ubuyekeze futhi ucabangele ezindabeni eziye zenza ube nomsindo. Zizwa imizwa yakho ngokugcwele, njengoba ulungiselela ukuwayeka.
- Zizwakalise - Ukuveza imizwa yakho emibi kuyindlela yokuzivuma yona, futhi ngezinye izikhathi kwabanye. Lokhu kungase kusho ukusho ngokuzwakalayo, mhlawumbe ukhale, futhi mhlawumbe ukhala kancane. Abanye abantu bakhetha ukuveza imizwa yabo ngokubhala. Uma othile ekulimaza, ungase ufune ukubhala incwadi, noma, uma lowo muntu engatholakali, bhalela incwadi ongayithumeli. Uma unomuzwa wokuthukuthela okuningi ungase ufise ukubeka phansi imicabango yakho ephepheni, bese uyiqeda noma uyishise. Uma siphathwa ngendlela engalungile (noma lokho esikholwa ukuthi akulungile) sivame ukuba nesifiso esinamandla sokubhekana nalowo osisilimazile futhi sithola ukuxolisa. Uma lokhu kwenzeka, kungaba nzima ukwazi isikhathi sokukhuluma, nokuthi nini ukuthula. Umbuzo ongase ufise ukuzibuza ngaphambi kokubhekana nomngane noma ilunga lomndeni yilokhu: "Ingabe kubaluleke kakhulu kimi ukuthi ngilungile noma ngithande?" (Kubalulekile futhi ukuqaphela ukuthi abanye abantu abanjengalabo ababebizwa ngokuthi i-narcissistic personality disorder abaphenduli kahle ekubhekaneni, futhi esikhundleni sokuxolisa bangase babhekane nokulimala okukhulu ukuze bavikele ama-egos abo ahlulekile-hhayi lokho okudingayo lapho bebhekene nomdlavuza .)
- Ukuthethelela - Mhlawumbe isinyathelo esinzima kakhulu ekuhambeni ukuthethelelwa. Ngezinye izikhathi ungadinga ukuthethelela omunye umuntu, kodwa ngezinye izikhathi wena ngokwakho udinga ukuthethelela. Ukuthethelela akusho ukukhohlwa noma ukuvumela abanye ukuba baqhubeke bekulimaza nganoma iyiphi indlela. Akusho ukuthi kukhona okwenzekile kuwe kulungile. Esikhundleni salokho, kusho ukuthi wenqaba ukuvumela noma iziphi izikhalazo ozibambelayo wena noma abanye ukuqhubeka nokulimaza ngokuthatha injabulo yakho namuhla. Ngokuthethelela labo abakulimazayo, ubuyisa amandla akho. Ukuthethelela kusho ukuthi unqabe ukunikela amandla akho kumuntu owenze okubi. Ukuthethelela ukuphulukisa.
- Yenza izilungiso - Ingabe kukhona okukhona empilweni yakho ophethe isigqubu ngokumelene nawe? Uma kunjalo, lokho akusho ukuthi udinga ukubabuza intethelelo. Kodwa kulabo abathandekayo nabangane ozizwa bephephile ukukhuluma-obani, ngokuyinhloko, abaxolela abantu ngokwabo-cabanga ukukhulisa inkinga (kanye) bese ucela intethelelo. Kungamangaza ukuthi isicelo esilula sokuthethelela singanciphisa kanjani izinhliziyo.
- Hlola futhi ufune i-Linings yesiliva nezifundo - Kuvame ukuthi izindlela ezimbili zokubuka noma yikuphi isimo. Ukumiswa kabusha kwengqondo kuyindlela yokubuka okuhlangenwe nakho ngendlela ehlukile-indlela yokushintsha umbono wakho. Ngokwesibonelo, esikhundleni sokulila izinwele zakho ngesikhathi samakhemikhali, ungakhuluma ukuthi kuhle kangakanani ukuphunga imilenze yakho izinyanga ezimbalwa. Ngezinye izikhathi ukugxila kudinga kuphela ukuguqula amagama, isibonelo, kunokuba ubuke okuthile njengokukhathala, ungabheka njengenselele. Ukufuna izinsimbi zesiliva kungenye indlela yokubheka isimo esifanayo kodwa uhlangabezane ngendlela ehlukile. Ngokwesibonelo, esikhundleni sokucabanga ngemisebenzi oye wayilahla ngenkathi ukwelashwa komdlavuza, ungase ucabange ngobungane obungeke bube nawo uma kungenjalo ngokuthola ukuthi unomdlavuza. Ngisho noma ukuklahla kungenakwenzeka futhi uthola isikhathi esinzima ukuthola izinsimbi zesiliva, ungase uthande ukucabanga ngezifundo ozifundile lapho uzwa ubuhlungu obungokomzwelo obubangelwa abanye noma wena. Okuhlangenwe nakho okuningi ekuphileni kwethu, nakuba buhlungu, kusifundisa izifundo ezibalulekile. Uma ubuhlungu, wenzeni okwenze ukulimala?
- Zindla, Thandaza, noma Zivumelane Ngokwemvelo - Ingokomoya lingabamba iqhaza elinamandla ekukhululeni intukuthelo nokwesaba. Abanye abantu bathola induduzo ngokuhamba ngaphandle kwemvelo. Abanye bathola induduzo emthandazweni, kuyilapho abanye bakhetha ukuzindla , ukuphefumula okukhulu, noma ukudala ubuciko. Ukuzivumela isikhathi sokuthula ngenkathi wenza ngokucacile isinqumo sokuvumela ukuhamba nentukuthelo nokuthukuthela kungakukhulula ukuba uthathe izinyathelo ezilandelayo ekuphileni ngokujabulisayo okwamanje.
- Zibuke Ngeso Lakho Ngokuthula - Uma usuke wenza ukuboniswa kwakho kungenzeka ukuthi wazi ukuthi amandla lo mkhuba angakanani.
- Shintsha Intukuthelo Yakho Futhi Uyesabe Okuthile Okunye - Akukhona kuphela ukufutheka njengobuthi obulungiselela abanye futhi uphuze ngokwakho, njengoba isicatshulwa sibonisa, kodwa intukuthelo nokuthukuthela kungagcwalisa izikhathi eziningi eziyigugu ezingasetshenziswa ukwenza noma yini enye. Cabanga ngempilo yakho; yini ongathanda ukuyenza ukuthi awunaso isikhathi sokwenza? Ukube ubungathatha isikhathi osichitha uhlala kuzo ezibuhlungu ezedlule ukwenza enye yalezo zinto ungabe ujabula kakhulu?
Phinda njengoba kudingeka.
Izinyathelo Ezilandelayo
Ngisho nangemva kokuba usebenza ngezimpikiswano eziye zenza intukuthelo nokufutheka esikhathini esidlule, ngokuqinisekile uzoba nezikhathi lapho lezo zithandabuzo ezimbi zivame ukungavunyelwa futhi, futhi, ngokuba ngabantu, kuyohlale kube "izindaba" ezintsha ezidala intukuthelo ekuphileni kwethu. Uma ngabe ngizobiza igama elilodwa eliye langisiza kakhulu ekubhekaneni nemizwelo yomdlavuza, ukugcina iphephabhuku lokubonga lingawunqoba ngezandla. Kunzima ukuveza ukubonga nokuzwa intukuthelo ngesikhathi esisodwa. Futhi akuyona indlela embi ukuthola izinhlamvu zesiliva okungenzeka uzilahlekele.
Imithombo:
I-National Cancer Institute. I-Cancer nemizwelo. Kubuyekezwe 12/02/14.