Amathiphu Wokubhekana Nalokho Othandekayo wakho Ukubulala
Ukubhekana nokukhathazeka okulindelekile kuhlukile kunokubhekana nokucindezeleka ngemva kokufa komuntu (usizi oluvamile) Ungase ube nemizwa edidekile njengoba uzithola kuleyo ndawo ebucayi yokulondoloza ithemba, ngenkathi ngesikhathi esifanayo uqala ukuyeka. Akuyona nje imizwelo ebuhlungu kakhulu, kodwa abantu bavame ukuthola usizo lokudabuka kwabo ngalesi sikhathi.
Ngezinye izikhathi usizi ngaphambi kokufa lungase lucatshangelwe njengokushiyeka, kumuntu ongazange "abe khona."
Ake sibuke ukuthi kusho ukuthini ukuzwa usizi olulindelekile bese wabelana ngamathiphu athile okuwusizo ekubhekaneni lapho ulila ukulahlekelwa komunye umuntu okwamanje.
Kuyini Ukulinda Okulindelekile?
Incazelo yesimiso sokulindela ukudabuka okujulile okuvame ukuzwa phakathi nezinsuku zokugcina zokuphila. Kuvame ukuhlangenwe nakho kokubili ngabathandekayo bomuntu oseduze nokufa, nomuntu oshona ngempela. Nakuba usizi ngaphambi kokufa luvulela amathuba okusho ukuthi ukulahlekelwa ngokuzumayo kungenjalo, ukuzisola kusengaphambili akusithathi-noma ngisho nokunciphisa-isikhathi sokudabuka ngemva kokufa.
Lesi sihloko sibhalwa labo abanomuntu othandekayo osondela ekufeni futhi babhekene nosizi, kodwa labo abafa nabo bavame ukubhekana nalesi sizi. Sithemba ukuthi iziphakamiso zokubhekana ngezansi zizosiza bobabili abafayo nabathandekayo babo.
Amathiphu Okubhekana Nokudabuka Okulindelekile
Izishoshovu ezikhuluma ngokuthi "izimpi ezinesibindi" zingase zibe mnandi, kodwa zenze kube nzima kulabo abathandekayo othandekayo othandekayo (noma umuntu oshona ngempela) ukuveza ngokugcwele usizi abathola ngaphambi kokufa. Akuwona wonke umuntu ozwa usizi lokulangazela, kodwa kuvamile.
Ucwaningo oluthile lwathola ukuthi amaphesenti angu-40 omfelokazi athole usizi ngaphambi kokufa okucindezeleka kakhulu kunokudabuka ngemva kokufa.
Uma uzwa usizi ngenkathi othandekayo wakho esaphila akusho ukuthi ulahlela othandekayo wakho noma ulahla. Esikhundleni salokho, ukusebenza ngokusebenzisa usizi lwakho kungakunika ithuba lokuthola incazelo nokuvalwa okungenalo.
Hlola amathiphu alandelayo okubhekana nokukhathazeka okulindelekile abanye abatholile bewusizo ngenkathi behamba ngalezi zinkinga ezinzima.
Vumela Uzizwe Uzwele Futhi Usizi
Ukuvumela ukuba uzizwe ubuhlungu enhliziyweni yakho kukusiza ukuba uthembeke futhi uqinise kuwe. Intukuthelo yokulangazela akusili nje ukulila ukufa komuntu othandekayo, kodwa konke okulahlekile okuhambisana nokufa. Ukulahlekelwa ngumngane wakho. Ukulahlekelwa izinkumbulo ezabelwana ngazo. Ukulahlekelwa amaphupho ngekusasa. Lesi futhi yisikhathi lapho usizi oluvela esikhathini esidlule lungase luvuke ukuze "lusizi futhi." Ukwenqaba ubuhlungu obuzwayo bungenza isikhathi eside usizi ekuhambeni kwakho.
Usizi luba nenhloso ukuthi lwenzeka ngaphambi kokufa noma emva kokufa. Abacwaningi basisizile ngokukhomba izigaba ezine nemisebenzi yokudabuka . Lezi zenzo ziqala ngokuvuma ukulahlekelwa okudlulayo, ukusebenza ngobuhlungu, futhi ekugcineni uvumele ukuhamba ngendlela evumela ukuthi uhambise uxhumano lwakho lomzwelo kumuntu othandekayo endaweni ehlukile.
Lokhu akusho ukuthi ushiye othandekayo wakho noma ukhohlwe. Esikhundleni salokho, ukuqedela imisebenzi yokudabuka kukuvumela ukuba uhlale ujabule futhi uthande ukuthi uke wahlanganyela, kodwa ngaphandle kokudabuka okukhulu okwenza ukukhumbula kube buhlungu kangaka.
Abantu abaningi bakuthola kunzima ukuveza ukudabuka kwabo ngaphambi kokufa ngoba bayakubona bengabasekeli othandekayo wabo oshonile. Ukuthola umngane othembekile kungaba isinyathelo sokuqala esihle sokubhekana nalesi sizi.
Ungahambi Kodwa: Bonisa Ukuhlungu Kwakho
Kubalulekile ukuthi ungazivumeli nje uzizwe ubuhlungu bakho kodwa ukuhlanganyela imizwa yakho nomngane oseduze noma ilunga lomndeni.
Akekho okufanele abhekane nosizi olulindelekile yedwa. Ukugcina imizwa yakho kuwe kungabangela umuzwa wokuzizwa unesizungu nokujula.
Uma kunokwenzeka, thola umngane ophuza ukwahlulela futhi ozokhululeka njengoba uveza intukuthelo. Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi usizi lokulindela lufana nokudabuka ngemuva kokufa komuntu, kodwa kukhona ukuvutha nokulahlekelwa okuvamile kokuzizwa.
Zama ukuthola umngane okwazi ukulalela, futhi azama "ukulungisa izinto." Umngani ongalalela angeke akutshele lokho okufanele ukwenze noma ukuthi kufanele uzizwe kanjani ekahle. Uma singenalo othandekayo ebhekene nokufa, asikho indlela yokuqonda ukuthi omunye uzizwa kanjani. Ngaphandle kokuba sibe khona thina ngokwethu, futhi akukho bantu ababili abanokuhamba okufanayo, kungase kube yinto ehlukumezayo ukuba iluleke kulokho okufanele ukwenze noma ukuthi kufanele uzizwe kanjani. Abanye abantu basabela kuloluleko ngokuthukuthela, kuyilapho abanye bevele bevale. Noma yikuphi, akusizi kangcono ukuthi ubhekane nakho.
Uma umngane wakho ezama ukukwabelana ngezeluleko, memezele ukuthi ufuna kuphela ukuthi alalele futhi angazami ukulungisa izinto. Imizwelo oyizwayo ayinakho ukulungisa okulula. Kodwa ukuthola umuntu ozokulalela ukunika indlela yokuhamba ngomgwaqo uzizwa ucansi.
Uma ungatholi umngane osekelayo, noma noma ngabe ungakwazi, amaqembu asekela ukuxhumeka ku-intanethi, afana nalawo anikezwa i-CancerCare atholakala ehlinzeka ukusekelwa kwabanakekeli babantu abaphila nezifo ezibulalayo.
Sebenzisa isikhathi ndawonye
Sivame ukuzwa abantu bekhuluma ukuthi kunzima kanjani ukuchitha isikhathi nomuntu othandekayo ofa. Abafuni ukukhumbula othandekayo wabo ngendlela abayiyo manje kodwa kunalokho bafuna ukukhumbula ukuthi bebaphi ngaphambi kokuba bafe. Lokho kusho ukuthi ukuchitha isikhathi akubalulekile kuphela umuntu oshona kodwa nabathandekayo abaseduze. Ukugwema ukuvakashela othandekayo oshonile ngezinye izikhathi kungaholela ekuzisola kamuva.
Cabanga ngezindlela ezinengqondo zokuchitha isikhathi ndawonye. Omunye umsebenzi abanye abawutholile okunenjongo ukukhipha amabhokisi nama-albhamu ezithombe zakudala. Ukuhleka nezinyembezi zokuzikhumbuza kungaba ukuhlanza kakhulu. Kuwesifazane, ungamcela ukuba akhiphe izindwangu zakhe zokugqoka futhi akhulume ngezindaba ngemuva kwesigaba ngasinye. Uma unezingane ezincane, noma ngisho noma ungenjalo, ungase ufise ukwenza okuqoshiwe kwevidyo njengoba othandekayo wakho elandisa izindaba mayelana nokuthi kwakunjani ukukhula ngaphambi kwe-imeyili.
Omunye umsebenzi abanye abantu abawutholile okhethekile ukuthola ukugezela okungabizi kakhulu kweparafini bese ugoqa bese uphonsa izandla zakho nezinyawo zakho othandekayo. Ungase ufise ukuthola ezinye zezintandokazi zakhe ezindala ozithandayo. Uma uthande othandekayo ukudoba, mcele ukuthi abelane ngezintandokazi zakhe zezindaba "ezinhlanzi ezinkulu". Uhlu luzoqhubeka nokuqhubeka.
Wonke umuntu uhlukile uma kuziwa kulokho okungase kube nenjongo futhi akuyona imisebenzi oyikhethayo ebalulekile. Kuthatha isikhathi, ngisho noma leso sikhathi sisithulile.
Uma ukhathazekile ngokuvakashela othandekayo wakho, thatha isikhashana ufunde ngokukhuluma nomuntu othandekayo oshonile. Okokugcina, abantu abaningi besaba ukuthi bazohlukana futhi benze kube nzima nakakhulu ukudabuka komuntu othandekayo. Gcina engqondweni ukuthi isikhathi esiningi umthandi wakho angathanda ukukuvakashela, ngisho noma ulahlekelwa ngokuphelele. Izinyembezi zilungile. Uma usenomuzwa wokukhathazeka, ikakhulukazi uma othandekayo wakho efisa ukukhuluma ngokufa kwakhe, Thatha isikhashana ucabange ngokubhekene nokwesaba kwakho ukubhekana nesithandwa sakho esifileyo.
Khumbula Izingane
Izingane nazo zithola usizi lokulindela, kanti kuyilapho kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi izingane zikwazi ukubhekana nokudabuka, zivame ukunikezwa ithuba elincane lokuziveza, ngisho nasezikhungweni eziningi zokugula . Ucwaningo luye lwabonisa ukuthi izingane ezinganikezwa ithuba lokusizi zivame ukulwa nokukhathazeka nokucindezeleka kamuva ekuphileni. Amanye amathiphu angezansi, njengokwelashwa kwezobuciko, angasiza kakhulu izingane.
Izingane zidinga ukufakwa futhi zidinga indawo ephephile ukuze ziziveze ngokomzwelo. Uma ungumzali ofa, ukukhetha omunye ngaphandle komzali kungase kube usizo njengoba izingane zingase zizame ukuqinisa umzali noma ugogo nomkhulu oshona. Kwesinye isifundo kwaphawulwa ukuthi abazali abanomdlavuza ophakeme babengazi ukuthi izingane zabo zazicindezeleke kangakanani. Ngenye inothi elihle kakhulu, nokho, isifundo esifanayo sathola ukuthi izingane ezinomzali onomdlavuza ophumelelayo wamalungu omndeni nezinto ezibalulekile empilweni kakhulu kunezo zingane ezingenayo umzali onomdlavuza.
Ukuvula ukuxhumana okuzungezile ukufa kuye kwaboniswa ukusiza ukunciphisa ukukhathazeka, ukucindezeleka, nezinkinga zokuziphatha ezinganeni ezinomzali ogula kakhulu. Izingane zidinga ukuqinisekiswa ukuthi zizonakekelwa emva kokufa nokuthi ngeke zilahlwe. Funda kabanzi mayelana nezidingo zezingane ezililayo kanye nendlela yokukhuluma nezingane mayelana nokufa.
Kukhona nezincwadi eziningi ezinhle ezenzelwe ukusiza izingane ukuba zibhekane nokufa nokufa.
Cabanga Ukudlula
Abantu abaningi bathola ukuthi ukugcina iphephandaba kuphulukisa kakhulu. Ukugcina iphephandaba kungaba cathartic ngakolunye uhlangothi, njengoba uveza ngisho nezinto ongazizwa ukhululekile ukuxoxa nomngane wakho. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kungaba yindawo yokurekhoda imicabango ekhethekile ngesikhathi sokufa komuntu othandekayo okungenzeka kamuva ufisa ukuthi urekhodile. Abanye abantu bakhetha iphephandaba elizimele. Abanye bangakhetha ukuhlanganyela imibono yabo kusayithi elinjengeCaring Bridge, lapho bengabelane khona imicabango nemizwa yabo kuphela kodwa izibuyekezo kanye nezicelo zosizo lwabo abathandekayo.
Esikhundleni salokho, noma ngaphezu kwalokho, ukwaziswa, abanye abantu bathola ukuthi izincwadi zokubhala zisiza ngokudabuka kokufa okuzayo. Isibonelo, ungabhalela othandekayo wakho oshonile ethi konke ofuna ukuqiniseka ukuthi uzosho. Uma ufa, ukubhala izincwadi kubantwana bakho-mhlawumbe izincwadi abangazivula ngosuku oluthile-kunikeza indawo yokuveza leyo mizwelo yethando futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo banikeze labo abasala ngemuva isipho esikhulu.
Thatha Inzuzo yezindlela zokukholelwa zokubhekana nazo
Ukwamukela indlela ephelele kungase kusize kokubili isiguli esifa kanye nabathandekayo bakhe. Eziningana zalezi zindlela zokwelashwa zitholakale ukusiza ngemizwelo efana nokukhathazeka, futhi izifundo ezimbalwa ezincane zithole ukuthi ukusebenzisa indlela ephelele yokunakekela labo abadabukile kuye kwasiza ukuletha ithemba nokuphulukisa ekuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu. Eminye yale mikhuba ihlanganisa:
- Imifanekiso Eqondiswayo - Izithombe eziqondiswayo zizwa sengathi ziwusizo kokubili isiguli esifalayo kanye nabathandekayo balabo ababulawa umdlavuza ababhekene nosizi
- Ukuzindla
- I-Art Therapy
- I-Massage Therapy
- Qigong
- Ukwelashwa komculo
Thuthukisa Ukomoya Wakho
Ukomoya kubalulekile kulabo abafa kanye nabanakekeli babo. Ingokomoya lingathatha uhlobo lwenkolo ehlelekile nomkhuleko, ukuzindla, ukuxhumana nemvelo, noma ukulalela umculo owusizo kuwe. Ucwaningo luye lwabonisa ukuthi abantu abafayo bahlangabezana nekhwalithi engcono yokuphila ezinsukwini zokugcina uma babe nokuphila okungokomoya okusebenzayo, futhi lokho impilo engokomoya inezinzuzo ngaphezu kokufa komuntu. Ucwaningo olusanda kutholakala ukuthi abanakekeli babantu abanomdlavuza ophakeme babengenakudlula ukuzwa ukucindezeleka uma othandekayo wabo oshonile ephila impilo engokomoya.
Londoloza Ukuzijabulisa
Akukhona indawo enkulu yokudlala uma umuntu efa, futhi kusobala ukuthi yisikhathi sokudabuka. Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi amahlaya, endaweni efanele, angaphilisa. Ngikhumbula ngizwa ukukhululwa okukhulu emkhatsini womnakwabo omncane lapho ubaba wami wesilisa efa. Umama wayekhohliwe amasokisi akhe ngenkathi eletha izingubo zakhe zokungcwaba endaweni yokulala futhi wahlalisa izinyembezi. Umkhwenyana wami ngomusa wanikeza amasokisi izinyawo zakhe - amasokisi amahle we-REI. Ubaba wami wesithandwa, indoda ethandekayo eyayiqinisa ngisho namatekisi akhe cishe ayengeke akhethe lawo masokisi, futhi lo mcabango wawuhlanza njengoba wawushintsha izinyembezi zikamama zikasizi ezinyembezini zokuhleka. Umkhwenyana wami, ngokushaya ama-funny-amathambo ethu waqala ukucula "amasokisi ami aya ezulwini." Ukuyeka esitolo esitolo endleleni Nginesiqiniseko sokuthi umabhalane ucabanga ukuthi sasivele sichitha amahora ebhasini hhayi ekhaya lokungcwaba.
Ezinye izikhungo zomdlavuza manje zinikeza ukwelashwa okuhlekayo kubantu abanomdlavuza ophakeme. Yebo, kunezikhathi eziningi lapho ukuhleka kungeke kwenzeke. Kodwa ngesinye isikhathi, noma ngabe kufanele "uzifake kuze kube yilapho usenza" - ukuhleka kungase kuvuselele isimo sengqondo esinzima.
- Ukuphathwa Kokucindezeleka Nezinzuzo Zempilo Zokuhleka
Hlanganisa Ukuthethelela
Ukuthethelela ukuphulukisa, nokufunda ukuthethelela kubaluleke kakhulu njengokuthethelela abanye. Isikhathi ngaphambi kokufa sigcwele imizwelo nokuthukuthela nokufutheka phakathi kwamalungu omndeni angabusa ngokuqinile. Kodwa lesi yisikhathi sokuxazulula ukungezwani. Isinyathelo sokuqala esihle sokuthethelela ukulalela. Ngokuvamile abantu bayasho into efanayo - ngezindlela ezahlukene. Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi kukhona umehluko ocacile. Umbuzo ongazibuza uma ucasulwa ngelinye ilunga lomndeni ukuthi, "kubaluleke yini ukuthi uthande noma ulungile?" Omunye usho ukuthi ukufutheka kungumuthi oyilungisa omunye futhi uphuze ngokwakho. Ukuyeka ukuthukuthela nokulimala kusukela esidlule kukhululeka. Zinike isipho sokuthethelela.
Nika imvume yakho ethandekayo yokufa
Akuvamile ukuthi othile agxile kuze kube yisikhathi esithile - isibonelo, elinde aze afinyelele usuku olufana nokuqeda ingane, usuku lokuzalwa, noma ukuvakashelwa othandekayo. Kubantu abathile, kubonakala sengathi ekugcineni bayakuvumela ukuba bathathe ukuphefumula kokugcina ngemva kokuba othandekayo ekhuluma ngendlela ethile, futhi ngokwenza njalo, imvume yokuthola imvume. Imvume yokufa ingahamba ngezindlela zombili. Ngobusuku ugogo washona wathi kimi, "sizolahlekana." Amazwi akhe anginikeza imvume yokumyeka, futhi, impendulo yami ebonisa ukuthi ngizobe ngimnike imvume yokudlulisela endaweni elandelayo. Isipho sokuhleleka kungaba isipho esihle.
Imithombo:
Cheng, J. et al. Ukutadisha umshayeli ngokuphumelela kokudabuka kokudabuka kweziguli asebekhulile ebhekene nokuphela kokuphila. I-Journal Yokunakekelwa Kwe-Palliative . 2010. 26 (4): 261-9.
Gilliland, G., no S. Fleming. Ukuqhathaniswa kosizi lokulindela nosizi oluvamile. Izifundo zokufa . 1998. 22 (6): 541-69.
Kennedy, V., noMnu. Lloyd-Williams. Indlela izingane ezibhekana ngayo uma umzali ethuthukile umdlavuza. Pscyhooncology . 2009. 18 (8): 886-92.
ULibrach, S., noJo O'Brien. Ukusekela usizi lwezingane ngaphakathi ohlelweni lokunakekelwa kwabantu abadala kanye nabantwana. I-Journal ye-Oncology yokusekela . 2011. 9 (4): 136-40.
Lin, H., no-S. Bauer-Wu. Inhlalakahle yengqondo-ngokomoya ezigulini ezine-cancer ephakeme: ukubuyekezwa okuhlangene kwezincwadi. I-Journal of Nursing Advanced . 2003. 44 (1): 69-80.
I-Sutter, i-C., no-T. Reid. Sikhuluma kanjani nezingane? Ukubonisana nokuphila kwengane ukusekela izingane ezigula kakhulu ezikhulile. Journal of Medicine Palliative . 2012. 15 (12): 1362-8.
UWess, M. Ukuletha ithemba nokuphulukisa iziguli ezinesihlungu ngomdlavuza. I-Journal ye-American Osteopathic Association . 2007. 107 (12 Isondlo 7): ES41-7.