Ukuthola Ukuvalwa Nokuthula Ekupheleni Kokuphila
Lapho abantu abaningi becabanga ngemisebenzi umuntu okufa okumelwe ayenze bacabange ngokuthanda, ukuthembela, amalungiselelo ezokwelapha kanye nokuhlelwa kwengcwaba . Eqinisweni, kunomsebenzi obaluleke kakhulu okumele wenziwe ukuze kufinyelelwe ukuvalwa ebuhlotsheni nokufa okunokuthula .
Into ebaluleke kakhulu ekuphileni kukhona ubudlelwano bethu nalabo esibathandayo. Imisebenzi emihlanu yokufa ifuna ukuqedela nokubuyisana nalabo buhlobo.
Encwadini yakhe ethi The Four Things That Matter Most , uDkt. Ira Byock usifundisa izinto ezine ezibalulekile umuntu okufanele afe ngaphambi kokumtshela abathandekayo. Ngenkathi le misebenzi ingabhekiswanga kuphela ngabantu abafa- sonke kufanele sikhumbule ukugcwalisa imisebenzi 1-4 kaningi-yiyingxenye ebalulekile yomsebenzi wabashonile.
Cela Ukuthethelela
Sonke senze izinto ezimpilweni zethu eziye zalimaza labo esibathandayo, ngenhloso noma ngenhloso. Sonke sithwala amanxeba nathi ukuthi umndeni nabangane basenzele thina futhi sonke sasilokhu sihlaselwa amanxeba kulabo esibathandayo. Ukuphulukiswa okubaluleke kakhulu ekupheleni kokuphila akuyona ukuphulukiswa ngokomzimba, kodwa kunalokho ukuphulukiswa kwalawo amanxeba angokomzwelo.
UDkt. Byock uqhathanisa ukuphulukiswa kwamanxeba ngokomzwelo kuya kwamanxeba angokwenyama. Ukuze isilonda somzimba siphulukise, zonke izicubu ezincibilikisiwe nezigciwane kumele zihlanzwe; ukuze inxeba elingokomzwelo liphulukise, zonke izinto ezinobuthi phakathi kwabantu ababili zidinga ukuhlanzwa.
Indlela engcono kakhulu yokuhlanza ubudlelwane bakho emadokodini abo anobuthi ukufuna intethelelo.
Ukucela ukuthethelelwa akulula, ikakhulukazi uma sinomuzwa wokuthi asiqondiswanga kahle noma asifanelekile ezenzweni zethu. Kodwa kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uzizwa kanjani mayelana nokuphikisana kwakho, ukucela intethelelo kungase kube ukukhululeka okuhlangenwe nakho futhi kungalungisa ubuhlobo bakho kulo lonke umsebenzi okudingeka kwenziwe.
Ukunikela Ukuthethelela
Lena enye imisebenzi enzima iningi lethu elizoqedela. Ukunikela intethelelo kumuntu esizizwa engakutholanga kunzima kakhulu. Kodwa kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi ukuthethelela umuntu esimthandayo akusiloli ukuziphatha komuntu. Ukuthethelela ekugcineni kuyisipho esizinikeza sona; lapho sithethelela, umoya wethu ukhululekile ukuthukuthela nokuthukuthela.
Ngaphezu kokuthethelela abanye, kubalulekile ngokufanayo ukuthethelela ngokwethu. Ngokungangabazeki wenze izinto ongaziqhenya ngazo. Sonke senze izinto esizisola ngazo, senze amaphutha amakhulu, futhi sonke sinezimfihlo ezihlazo. Singabantu abangaphelele! Kodwa ngokuvamile sivame ngokwengeziwe kunabanye. Ngisho noma umngane noma ilungu lomndeni likunikezele intethelelo, ungase uthola kunzima ukuzithethelela. Kodwa ukuzithethelela isenzo sokugcina sobubele, ukuvumela ukuba uthole ukwamukela nokwamukela uthando.
Sinikeza Isibonga Esiqotho
Sonke sinesidingo sangasese sokuveza ukubonga nokuzizwa sithandwa. Abaningi bethu bakholelwa ngephutha ukuthi akudingeki ukuthi sisho amazwi athi "ngiyabonga" ngokuzwakalayo. Sicabanga ukuthi abathandekayo bethu bayazi ukuthi sibonga kanjani ngakho konke abenzele khona. Iqiniso liwukuthi ngokuvamile abathandekayo bethu abazi ukuthi sibonga kangakanani.
Ukubonga ngemisebenzi yomusa abanye abaye bakhulume kuwe kuyashesha futhi kulula. Kuthatha isikhathi esincane nokuzama ukukusho ukuthi "ngiyabonga," kodwa kungaba nomthelela omkhulu ekuqedeni ubuhlobo obubalulekile. Ungathola into yokubonga kuzo zonke izihlobo empilweni yakho. Kulezizinto ezine ezibaluleke kakhulu , uDkt. Byock unikeza isibonelo sika-Avi noyise uSimon. USimon wayenenkohlakalo enzima ku-Avi ekhula. Naphezu kwalokhu, u-Avi wakwazi ukuthethelela uyise futhi wabonga uSimon ngokumnika impilo. Isenzo sikaSimon esinika impilo ku-Avi sasinelungelo lokubonga.
Ngokuqinisekile ungathola okuthile okufanele ubonge ngakho ebuhlotsheni obunye empilweni yakho. Manje sekuyisikhathi sokubatshela ukuthi "Ngiyabonga!"
Ukunikeza Izinzwa Zothando
Uh oh. Manje sithola ama-mushy nozwela. Ngaphambi kokuba weqa phezu kwalolu msebenzi ucabange nokuthi "owesifazane" noma "othinta inhliziyo-kahle," yimani okwesikhashana futhi ucabange ngalezo zobudlelwano obaluleke kakhulu kuwe. Ungakwazi yini ukubona imizwa yothando ngabanye balaba bantu? Nakuba kungase kuhluke kumuntu nomuntu, uthando kwabanye luyimvelo kakhulu futhi lubalulekile emiphakathini yabantu. Kodwa ukusho amagama athi "Ngiyakuthanda" kungaba nzima kakhulu kubantu abaningi ukuba bathi.
Uma uthintana ne "ohlangothini olubucayi" bese uthola kulula ukuveza imizwa yakho ngokuthi "Ngiyakuthanda," bese uqhubeka uyenze. Uma wena, njengabantu abaningi, uthola ukuthi lawo mazwi amancane amathathu ayesabeka kunokuba agxume ezindizeni ngaphandle kweparachute, kunezinye izindlela ongabonisa ngazo uthando.
Abanye abantu bangase bakhululeke ukuveza uthando encwadini ebhaliwe noma ekhadini. Abanye bakuthola kancane, kepha izindlela ezilinganayo zokubonisa uthando. Ezintweni Ezine Okubaluleke Kangako Indaba ilandiswa ngoGunter owayengumfana wayefa. U-Gunter akazange azizwe ekhululekile ukuveza uthando lwakhe ngoyise; kwakungenakwenziwa endlini yabo yamaLuthela yaseJalimane. U-Gunter wabe esebona isicelo sikayise sokuba u-Gunter amshaye njengendlela yokumthinta nokuthandwa ngokomzimba. U-Gunter waqala ukulungisa uyise njalo nsuku zonke futhi wayezikhathalela ngokweqile njengoba uyise enqaba. Isenzo esilula sokunakekelwa ngokuthinta ngothando kwakuyindlela ejulile yokuba uGunter noyise baveze uthando lwabo.
Ungaluthola ngaziphi izindlela ekudaleni uthando lwakho?
Say Goodbye
Ukuhleleka kuyisidingo esinamandla kubantu abaningi abafayo. Labo abasebenza nalabo abafa bangatshela izindaba zeziguli ezifa ezigcinwe isikhathi eside kunalokho okumele kube khona ukuze zitshele abathandekayo. Izindaba ezimangalisayo zalezi zenzakalo zingatholakala encwadini ethi Final Gifts by Maggie Callanan noPatricia Kelley. Izindaba zabantu abaye bahlala phakathi kokuphila nokufa, balindele ukuhlehlisa, zikhumbuza ukuthi akufanele silinde kuze kube umzuzu wokugcina ukuthatha izinyathelo 1-4.
Sonke sizwile izindaba ezithintekayo zabantu abaya emkhatsini webude obukhulu ukukhuluma okuhle kakhulu- umama owathengile futhi wamboza izipho zendodakazi yakhe ukuvula ngosuku lokuzalwa nangosuku lomshado wakhe; ingane eyabhala abazali bayo incwadi yezinkondlo; ubaba owenza idayari yezingane izingane zakhe impilo yakhe njalo ebiza ukuthi uyabathanda. Wonke ama-goodbyes akudingeki abe lokhu okucacile. Uma usuyenzile ngemisebenzi emine yokuqala, konke okushiwo ukukwenza kubona ukuguguleka okuyigugu kokuphila futhi ujabulele ukuba khona kwalabo abathandayo.
Ukusho okuhle kuyabuhlungu kodwa akudingeki kube yingozi. Uma usuqedile ubuhlobo bakho obubaluleke ngokwengeziwe ngokwenza imisebenzi 1-4, ukuhlehlisa kungaba yindlela enomunyu yokukhumbuza labo abathandayo impilo engapheliyo. Kungaba indlela enhle yokukhumbula ukuphila ngokugcwele futhi ugxile ezintweni ezibaluleke kakhulu-ubuhlobo nalabo esibathandayo.