Ukuqonda Usizi Ngaphambi Kokulahlekelwa Nokufa
Usizi olulindelekile luyisenzo esivame ukusizwa usizi kubantu ababhekene nokufa komuntu othandekayo. Noma kunjalo, nakuba abantu abaningi bejwayele usizi olwenzeka ngemva kokufa (usizi oluvamile), lolu hlobo lwensizi olwenzeka ngaphambi kokufa aluvumi ukuxoxwa ngaso. Ngenxa yalokhu, abanye abantu bakuthola kungamukeleki emphakathini ukuveza usizi olujulile nobuhlungu ababuzwayo futhi bathole ukusekelwa abadingayo.
Kuyini usizi lokulindela, yiziphi izimpawu ongazilindela, futhi ungabhekana kanjani nalesi sikhathi esinzima?
Njengombhalo osheshayo, lesi sihloko siqondiswe kakhulu kumuntu osizi ukulahlekelwa ngumuntu othandekayo, kodwa usizi lokulungiselela lubuye luhlangane nomuntu oshona. Ngithemba ukuthi lesi sihloko sokubhekana nokukhathazeka okulindeleke, kuzosiza kokubili labo abafayo nalabo abadabukisayo ukufa komuntu othandekayo oseduze.
Yini Okulindelekile Ukulizwa?
Insizi yokulangazelela ichazwa ngokuthi usizi olwenzeka ngaphambi kokufa (noma olunye ukulahlekelwa okukhulu) ngokuphambene nosizi ngemva kokufa (usizi oluvamile). Esikhundleni sokufa yedwa, lolu hlobo lusizi lubandakanya ukulahlekelwa okuningi, njengokulahlekelwa ngumngani, ukushintsha izindima emndenini, ukwesaba ushintsho lwezezimali, nokulahlekelwa amaphupho okungaba khona. Ukudabuka akukwenzeki ngokuzihlukanisa, futhi ngokuvamile ukuzwa usizi kungaholela ekukhunjweni kwezinye iziqephu zokudabuka esikhathini esidlule.
Usizi olulindeleke lungalingana nokudabuka ngemva kokufa kodwa lubuye luhlukile nangezindlela eziningi. Ukudabuka ngaphambi kokufa ngokuvamile kuhilela ukuthukuthela okwengeziwe, ukulahlekelwa okwengeziwe kokulawulwa ngokomzwelo, kanye nokuphendula okubuhlungu okubuhlungu. Lokhu kungahle kuhlobene nendawo enzima-"abantu abaphakathi" bayithola lapho umuntu othandekayo efa.
Omunye wesifazane wathi wayezizwa exubile ngaphakathi ngoba wayezizwa ehluleka emzamweni wakhe wokuthola ibhalansi yethenda phakathi kokubambelela ethembeni nokuyeka.
Akuwona wonke umuntu ozwa usizi lokulangazela, futhi akulungile noma kubi ukwenza kanjalo. Abanye abantu babhekana nosizi oluncane ngenkathi othandekayo efa, futhi eqinisweni, bathola ukuthi abazivumeli ukulila ngoba kungase kuthiwa balahli ithemba. Kodwa kwabanye abantu, usizi ngaphambi kokulahleka kwangempela lukhulu nakakhulu. Ukutadisha abesifazane baseSweden ababelahlekelwe ngumyeni bathola ukuthi amaphesenti angu-40 alaba besifazane athole isigaba sokuqala sokulahlekelwa esicindezelayo ngaphezu kwesigaba sokulahlekelwa ngemuva.
Ingabe Kuyasiza Ukulila Kamuva?
Ukudabuka ngaphambi kokufa akulona esikhundleni sezinhlungu kamuva, futhi ngeke kufinyelele ekunciphiseni inqubo yokulila ngemva kokufa. Ayikho inani elinqunyiwe lokudabuka umuntu ahlangabezana nakho nokulahlekelwa othandekayo. Ngisho noma ngabe impilo yakho ethandekayo iyancipha isikhathi eside, akukho lutho olungakulungiselela ngempela ukufa kwangempela.
Kodwa-ke, ngenkathi ukulindela ukudabuka akulona indawo esikhundleni noma ngisho nokuqala ikhanda lokudabuka kamuva, ukudabuka ngaphambi kokufa kuhlinzeka ngamathuba okuvalwa ukuthi abantu abalahlekelwa yibo abathandekayo ngokungazelelwe bangabikho.
Injongo
Kulabo abafa, usizi lokulindela luhlinzeka ithuba lokukhula komuntu ekupheleni kokuphila, indlela yokuthola incazelo nokuvalwa. Imindeni, le nkathi iyithuba lokuthola ukuvalwa, ukulungisa ukungezwani, nokunikeza nokunikeza intethelelo. Kuzo zombili, kuyithuba lokusho okuhle. Ngobusuku ugogo washona ngangilele embhedeni naye. Wabuyela kimi wayesethi, "sizolahlekana," wangikhahlela. Kwakuyisipho sakhe somusa.
Sithola ama-imeyili avame ukubuza ukuthi sizizwa kanjani ngelungu lomndeni elivakashela othandekayo oshonile. Amazwana esiwazwayo athi, "Ngifuna ukukhumbula othandekayo wami ngendlela ababephila ngayo ngaphambi komdlavuza," noma "Angicabangi ukuthi ngingakwazi ukubhekana nosizi lokuvakashela." Kodwa usizi lokulindela kulokhu kulungiselelwa lungaba ukuphulukisa.
Ucwaningo olulodwa lwathola ukuthi usizi olulindelekile lwabesifazane abayeni babo ababulawa ngumdlavuza lwabasiza ukuba bathole incazelo esimweni sabo ngaphambi kokufa komyeni wabo.
Nakuba usizi olulindelekile alukwenzelisi inqubo yokulila lula, ngezinye izikhathi kungenza ukufa kubonakale kunemvelo. Kunzima ukuvumela othandekayo bethu bahambe. Ukuzibona lapho bebuthakathaka futhi behluleka futhi bakhathele kwenza kube lula ukuthi kulula ukukhuluma kancane, "kulungile ukuthi uqhubekele endaweni elandelayo."
Izimpawu
Imizwelo ehambisana nosizi olulindelekile ifana nalokhu okwenzeka ngemva kokulahlekelwa kodwa kungase kube njengokwama-roller ngezikhathi ezithile. Ezinsukwini ezithile kungenzeka kube nzima kakhulu. Ezinye izinsuku ungase ungabi naso usizi nhlobo. Ukufakwa ohlwini kungenye yemizwelo ejwayelekile ehlotshaniswa nosizi olulindelekile. Lokho kusho, khumbula ukuthi wonke umuntu uyabuhlungu ngokuhlukile.
- Usizi nokukhala : Ukudabuka kanye nezinyembezi kuvame ukukhula ngokushesha futhi kaningi uma ungalindele. Ngisho nezinto ezincane, njengokuhweba kwethelevishini kungase kube isikhumbuzo esikhukhumayo nesibuhlungu othandekayo wakho oshonayo; cishe njengokungathi futhi okokuqala uyazi ukuthi ukulahlekelwa kwakho okuzayo.
- Ukwesaba: Imizwa yokwesaba ivamile futhi ayifaki nje ukwesaba ukufa kodwa ukwesaba zonke izinguquko ezizohambisana nokulahlekelwa othandekayo wakho.
- Ukuthukuthela nokuthukuthela: Ungase uzwe nentukuthelo, kepha kungase kube nzima ukubhekana nokufutheka komuntu othandekayo.
- Isizungu: Ukuzizwa unesizungu esikhulu ngokuvamile kubhekana nabanakekeli bomndeni osondelene nomuntu obulawa umdlavuza. Ngokungafani nosizi emva kokulahleka, umuzwa wokuthi awukwenzelwanga emphakathini ukuveza usizi olungalindelekile unganezela emibonweni yokuzihlukanisa.
- Isifiso sokukhuluma: Ukodwa kungabangela isifiso esinamandla sokukhuluma nomuntu-noma ubani-ongase aqonde ukuthi uzizwa kanjani futhi ulalele ngaphandle kokwahlulela. Uma ungenayo indawo ephephile ukuze ubonise usizi lwakho, le mizwelo ingabangela ukuhoxiswa komphakathi noma ukuphazamiseka ngokomzwelo ukuvikela ubuhlungu enhliziyweni yakho.
- Ukukhathazeka: Uma ukhathalela othandekayo ofa, kufana nokuhlala esimweni sokukhathazeka okuphakeme sonke isikhathi. Ukukhathazeka nakho kungabangela izimpawu zomzimba ezifana nokudabuka, ukuphazamiseka nokuthuthumela.
- Ukuzibophezela: Kubantu abathile, isikhathi ngaphambi kokufa komuntu othandekayo kungaba isikhathi sokuzizwa unecala-ikakhulukazi uma othandekayo wakho ehlupheka. Ngesikhathi esifanayo ukuthi ulangazelela othandekayo wakho ukuba abe namahloni (ngakho-ke, afe), uyesaba umzuzu wokuthi ukufa kuzokwenzeka ngempela. Ungase futhi ubhekene nensindiso yecala , unecala ozokwazi ukuqhubeka nalo ngokuphila kwakho ngenkathi omunye engeke.
- Ukukhathazeka okujulile ngomuntu oshonayo: Ungase uzithole ukhathazeka ngokweqile ngothandekayo wakho, futhi lokhu kungakhathazeka ngokuphathelene nomzwelo, ngokomzimba noma ngokomoya.
- Ukuphindaphinda kokufa: Ungase utholakale ukubuka ukuthi kuzoba njani ukuthandwa ngumthandi wakho. Noma uma ufa, ubheka ukuthi abathandekayo bakho bazoqhubeka kanjani emva kokufa kwakho. Abantu abaningi banomuzwa wokuthi banecala ngalezi zindinganiso, kodwa zivamile futhi ziyingxenye yokwamukela ukungavinjelwa kokufa.
- Izinkinga zomzimba: Izinkinga zomzimba ezifana nobunzima bokulala nezinkinga zememori. Funda kabanzi mayelana nesibalo sokuhlupheka.
- Ukwesaba ukulahlekelwa, ukuzwelana nokukhathazeka kwezingane: Ucwaningo olulodwa lwathola ukuthi ukwesaba ngalokho okwakwenzeka futhi ukuthi kuzobe kunakekelwa kwakunamandla kangakanani kubantwana ababhekene nokufa komzali noma ugogo nomkhulu.
Ngenkathi kungenzeka ukuthi uke wazizwa ngezigaba zosizi kanye nemisebenzi emine yokudabuka, kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi iningi labantu alihambisani kahle lezi zinyathelo futhi lithola ukuthi bavuke ekuseni ekuseni bazizwa ukuthi bamukele okwenzekile futhi yabuyiselwa. Esikhundleni salokho, noma iyiphi yalezi zigaba ingaba khona nganoma yisiphi isikhathi futhi ungase uthole uhlangabezana nemizwa efanayo yokushaqeka, ukubuza, noma ukuphelelwa ithemba izikhathi eziningi. Njengoba kuphawuliwe ngenhla, ayikho indlela efanele yokuzizwa noma yokulila.
Ukwelashwa Nokululekwa
Usizi lokulindela luyindlela evamile ekuqhubekeni kokusizi. Kodwa kwezinye izimo, lolu daba lungaba lukhulu kangangokuba luphazamisa ikhono lakho lokubhekana nalo. Kubuye kuvame ukuba abantu bahlakulele ukucindezeleka lapho bebhekene nakho konke ukulahlekelwa okusizimele futhi kungaba nzima ukuhlukanisa usizi lokucindezeleka.
Funa usizo ngomqeqeshi wezempilo yengqondo uma uzithola uthola ubunzima bokubhekana nakho. Kufanele uthole ukuthi awuqiniseki ukuthi uhlangabezana nosizi "oluvamile" noma kunalokho "usizi" olunzima.
Ukubhekana
Kubalulekile ukuveza ubuhlungu bakho bese uzivumela usizi. Ukuthola umngane noma omunye othandekayo ongabelana ngayo imizwa yakho ngokukhululekile kuyasiza kakhulu, njengoba nje ukulondoloza ithemba nokulungiselela ukufa ngesikhathi esifanayo kunzima. Kungaba nzima nakakhulu lapho abantu bengase bazibuze ukuthi kungani usizi-mhlawumbe uthukuthele ukuthi uyadabuka-ngaphambi kokufa kwangempela. Khumbula ukuthi ukuyeka ukusho akusho ukuthi kufanele uyeke ukuthanda othandekayo wakho-ngisho nangemva kokufa. Phakathi nalesi sigaba, abanye abantu baqala ukuthola indawo ephephile enhliziyweni yabo ukugcina izinkumbulo zomuntu othandekayo ongasoze afa.
> Imithombo:
> Cheng, J. et al. Ukuhlola ukukhathazeka okulindelekile kwizigameko zomdlavuza eziphambili. Psychooncology . 2010. 19 (7): 693-700.
> Coelho, A., no A. Barbosa. Ukudabuka Komndeni Okulindeleke. I-American Journal ye-Hospice nokuNakekelwa kwePalliative . 2016 Jan 1. (Epub ngaphambi kokuphrinta).
> Gross, J. et al. Usizi olulindelekile kubantu abasha kanye nabantu abadala abasha ababhekene nomdlavuza womzali. Praxis Kinderpsychologie und Kinderpsyychiatrie . 2012. 61 (6): 414-31.
> Hottensen, D. Usizi lokulindela ezigulini ezine-cancer. I-Clinical Journal of Oncology Nursing . 2010. 14 (1): 106-7.
> Johansson A., no-A. Grimby. Usizi olulindelekile phakathi kwezihlobo eziseduze zeziguli ezigceme ezibhekene nezifo zokwelapha nezilonda. I-American Journal of Hospital kanye Nokunakekelwa Kwe-Palliative . 2012. 29 (2): 134-8.