Ngesikhathi sokugcina uvele uzithola usesimweni lapho uvikela khona isikhundla, unqobile, futhi uzizwa unesihe? Kungenzeka kube nomngane, umlingani, ilungu lomndeni noma umuntu obanikeza ukunakekelwa. Yebo, "wanqoba" futhi ukholelwa ukuthi lo mzabalazo wawulungile ngokwemigomo ethile, imithetho, noma imibono "yobulungiswa." Kodwa nokho kukhona umuzwa wokuthi, uma lokho engikwenzile kwakungalungile, kungani ngizizwa ngikhathazekile kangaka?
Ukuqonda kweTibetan yale nkinga kuboniswa emazwini asendulo, "Ungaphonsa amalahle ashisayo esitha sakho, kodwa uzoshisa izandla zakho ukukwenza." Lesi saga sibhekene neyodwa yezinkinga ezinkulu ngokubhekana nalokhu: izindleko zokuwina . Cabanga ngempikiswano yakho yokugcina ephawulekayo lapho "uqobile." Uyakhumbula kuphela ubumnandi bokunqoba, noma ushiywe nemiphumela emibi yokuchoboza isitha sakho?
Kubantu abaningi abaye babhekana nengxabano enkulu lapho bawina khona, kukhona umuzwa odabukisayo lapho ngokuvamile izindleko zokuwina ziphakeme kakhulu kubo noma kumuntu abawunqobile.
Ingabe Ukulwa Kungenakuvinjelwa?
Izimo zivela ekunakekeleni lapho kubonakala khona ukuthi ukulwa kungenakugwemeka. Umnakekeli unombono ojwayelekile wokuthi ukwelashwa kufanele kwenzeke kanjani, kodwa umuntu onakekelwayo unenguqulo ehlukile . Izinkinga ziphakama lapho ingxabano icatshangwa njengomdlalo we-zero-sum: Uma umuntu oyedwa ezuzisa omunye kumele alahlekelwe.
Nganginomthengi owayekhathalele umyeni wakhe wayegcwele izinkinga. Ngaphambi kokuhlaselwa kwenhliziyo yakhe, wayesebenza kahle, umngane ongavumelani. Okubi nakakhulu, umlingani ohlukumeza ngokomzwelo. Ngaphambi kokuhlaselwa kwenhliziyo yakhe, lapho izingxabano phakathi kwabo zingenakubekezeleleka, wayehlale ehamba-into eyenzeka kaningi.
Izinto zashintsha ngemva kokuhlaselwa kwenhliziyo yakhe. Kusukela manje esekhutshazekile kakhulu, ukushiya ukulandela ukuphazamiseka okwakungenakwenzeka ngoba umyeni wakhe wayedinga ukunakekelwa njalo futhi kwakungenayo imali yokuqasha abahlinzeki abaqeqeshiwe.
Ngisho nalapho ezwa ukuthi uyaphikiswa ngemuva kokuphikisana, wayenesihlungu. Futhi ukuboshwa nje kwandisa ukukhungatheka kwakhe ngenxa yokungabi nokulawula impilo yakhe. Ku-comedy, Life of Brian , ufuna-Crusaders kumahhashi okucabangela abhekana nomvundla obulalayo. Umholi uyamemeza, "Balekela, ubalekele." Labo abakwazi ukuhamba ngokushesha baphile. Lokho okwakungadliwanga unogwaja.
Abanakekeli abaningi bazizwa njengabanqobi baseMonty Python abangakwazi ukugijima ngokushesha. Ukungqubuzana kwabo, kuvame ukufana nomdlalo we-zero-sum lapho izidingo zabo noma izidingo zabo othandekayo zaneliseka, kodwa hhayi kokubili . Ngisho noma izidingo zomnakekeli zihlangene, umuzwa wecala uqala uma bakholelwa ukuthi izidingo zabathandekayo zabo ziye zahlukunyezwa.
Ukukhetha phakathi kwezixazululo
Sivame ukuzithola sisezimo lapho kungekho "isixazululo" esingcono kakhulu , kodwa kunalokho siphoqeleka ukuba sikhethe phakathi kwezibili noma ngaphezulu ezibuhlungu. Yiluhlobo lwesimo esiba nezifo ezingapheli noma ezimbi . Akungathi ukuthi abanakekeli bayakhetha phakathi kwe-Big Mac nokudla endaweni yokudlela ye-Michelin yezinkanyezi ezintathu.
Esikhundleni salokho, ukukhetha kufana nokunquma ukuba nekhofi ku-7-11 noma i-Quick Stop uma isitolo sekhofi gourmet singatholakali.
Yilokho okwenzeka kumnakekeli owadingeka akhethe phakathi kwezinyathelo ezimbili zokuphatha izidakamizwa ezibuhlungu kumthandekayo wakhe. Bobabili babezoveza ubuhlungu. Ngakho umnakekeli kwakudingeka anqume ukuthi yikuphi okubuhlungu kakhulu, hhayi ukuthi iyiphi inqubo engcono kakhulu. Akuyona umehluko we-semantic, kodwa kunalokho umehluko esimweni sengqondo. Uma ucinga kuphela "okungcono kakhulu," ungase unganaki kuphela okusemandleni.
Izinqumo mayelana nokulwa zivame ukusetshenziswa ngokusebenzisa lokho okubonakala kubonakala kunengqondo kakhulu, njengokuthi, yikuphi okuqotho, okulungile noma okulungile.
Lezi zinqubo ziboshwe ekulindeni ukuthi thina kanye nabanye kufanele "sizizwe kanjani." Ngokwesibonelo, kufanele ngizizwe nginomuzwa wokuthi ngingamhloniphi umkami, noma kufanele ngizizwe ngisindiswa lapho isihlobo sitshela ukuthi ngilungile kanjani ukushiya ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo umyeni.
Ngezinye izikhathi, ukuthembeka, ukwethembeka, noma okulungile akulethi ukwaneliseka ababekucabanga ukuthi kuzoba khona "ngokuwina" impikiswano. Kunezikhathi ezithile ngesikhathi sokukhathalela uma kungcono ukubuyela emuva kunokuba ube nesibindi.
Imihlahlandlela Yokuvimbela Impikiswano
Ngokuvamile asicabangi ukuthi kungani sikhetha ukuhlanganyela empini. Futhi lapho sikwenza, ngokuvamile kuvame ngaphambi kokuba kuvele ukulwa, noma ngesikhathi. Le ndlela engapheli ingaphansi kokuhle. Esikhundleni sokuthembela kokuzikhethela ukukhetha ukuthi uzokwenzani noma usho ukuthini, kungenzeka ukuthi uhlele kusengaphambili. Nazi iziqondiso ezintathu ongayisebenzisa.
1. Khetha Izinhloso
Ngokuvamile phakathi "nempi" yabantu, sikhumbula ukubeka phambili imigomo yethu. Singase sibe nomqondo ongacacile wokuthi yini ebalulekile noma sibe nohlu lwezinhloso ezingezona ezizimele. Ukuzama ukuyihlunga ngesikhathi sokulwa kunzima uma kungenakwenzeka ngoba "isenzo" ngokuvamile senza izinqumo .
Umgomo owodwa obangela izinkinga eziningi kakhulu isidingo sokuthembeka. Ngiyeluleka abazinakekeli ababeziqhenya ngobuqotho babo bomuntu wonke othandekayo, manje olwa nemiphumela yokuthembeka. Esikhathini esicacile, umqondo wokuthi "ukwethembeka yinkambiso engcono kakhulu" inomsindo ozwakalayo futhi isisekelo sokusebenzisana okuthembekile. Kodwa ingabe umgomo omuhle kakhulu kuzo zonke izimo?
Okufanele ukwenze: Njengoba ulinganisa lokho okukhethayo ekuqaleni kokungqubuzana, gcizelela okubalulekile: ukunqoba, ukuthula, ububele, njll. Uma usebenzisa lokhu njengesimiso sokuqondisa isenzo, ukukhetha kwakho kungase kubonakale ngokucacile.
2. Iyini Indleko Yengqondo Yokulwa?
Singakwazi ukuzikhandla embonweni. Sivame ukungazinaki umthamo ongokomzwelo esingakhokhela kokubili ukuhlanganyela empini nokuwina. Yilokho okwenzeka kumfazi onomyeni wakhe owayesezigaba zokuqala ze-Alzheimer's. Uphikelela ukuthi umyeni wakhe ugcine izindinganiso ezifanayo zokuhlanzeka ayenaso ngaphambi kokuba kuqale ukucindezeleka kwengqondo. Ukuphikelela kwakhe ezingalungile, izindinganiso zangaphambi kokuxilongwa kwaba nemiphumela emibili. Ekupheleni kosuku, wayekhathele ngemuva kokuqapha ukuziphatha komyeni wakhe amahora angu-16. Umphumela wesibili wukuthi umyeni wakhe wazizwa ehlazekile ngokuqaphela ukuthi angeke asasebenza njengoba enza ngaphambi kokuba i-Alzheimer iqale.
Kwakukhona izinzuzo ezimbalwa ezigubhayo ekuziphatheni kwakhe okubhekene nazo nakuba ziholele ekubeni umyeni wakhe 'ehlanzekile.' Bobabili bahlala behlukumezekile kuze kube yilapho iklayenti lami liyekile emgomweni wokuhlanzeka ngokuphelele. Ngokungafuni okuncane, umyeni wakhe waqala ukuphumula futhi wakwazi ukwamukela isimo sakhe sokuwohloka. Ngomfazi, lezi zindinganiso ezengeziwe ezikhululekile zamenza wakwazi ukucindezeleka kancane futhi ngakho-ke unakekeli onakekelayo futhi ongcono.
Okufanele ukwenze: Njengoba unquma ukuthi ungayibheki noma ungabheki, thola izindleko kokubili wena nomthandekayo wakho. "Ukunqoba," ngisho nasendabeni ebalulekile, kungase kungalungi izindleko zayo ezingokomzwelo.
3. Yiliphi isu elizophumelela kakhulu?
Ubeke phambili imigomo yakho futhi uhlole izindleko zokulwa. Manje yisikhathi sokukhetha isu eliphumelela kakhulu. Indoda yeklayenti enezinhliziyo eziqhubekayo ukwehluleka yayidla amanzi amaningi ngesikhathi esisodwa. Umphumela wenyuka i-edema, isimo esaziwa udokotela wakhe ngokumelene naye. Lapho umkakhe ebuza udokotela ukuthi angasakaza kanjani amanzi akhe, udokotela wathi kufanele "akwenze nje." Akusilo uhlobo lweluleko oluwusizo lokukhetha isu.
Ukuze axazulule le nkinga, wathatha ibhodlela lamanzi futhi waligcina libe yimali eyamukelekayo, ngokusekelwe ekudleni komuntu oyedwa. Wabe esetshenziselwa ukwedlula inani lesigqebhezana somhlengikazi usuku lonke ukucacisa inani lamabhodlela umyeni wakhe angadla usuku ngalunye. Manje wayenecebo eliphumelelayo lokunciphisa ukudla kwakhe kunokuba athembele ekubhekaneni nokuphuza kwakhe.
Okufanele ukwenze: Ukukhetha isu eliphumelelayo kakhulu kuvame ukulukhuni kunesibonelo esingenhla. Ekunakekeleni, ngokuvamile kudingeka sithole izindlela zethu ezingaphansi kwezinyathelo eziphumelelayo. Ungesabi ukuphambuka kusuka ohlelweni lwakho uma lungasebenzi.
Isiphetho
"Ukunqoba," kuvame ukubhekwa njengomgomo omkhulu wokulwa, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukuphikisana kuhilela umdlalo onobungane we-ping-pong noma ukhetho lomongameli. Abanye abantu baze balondoloze ukuthi ngaphandle kokungqubuzana, ukuphila kuyoba mnandi. Ngenkathi abanye abantu bengase bahlele ukuphila kwabo ngokubaluleka kokuthi "ukuphuma phezulu," kuyisimiso esiyinhlekelele kwabanakekeli abaningi.
Kwakukhona isikhathi emazweni ezombangazwe aseMelika lapho behlehliswa futhi ukucatshangelwa kwabantu kwakucatshangwa ukuthi kuyimigomo efanelekile. Manje, bobabili babhekwa ngabaningi njengokushiya izimiso. Leyo nkolelo evamile isulele izici eziningi zobuhlobo obungezombusazwe, kuhlanganise nokukhathalela.
Ukunamathela kwezikhundla ze-absolutist ekunakekeleni kungase kubangele ukuhlupheka kunokuba kududuzwe. Ngakho esikhathini esilandelayo lapho usuzofika ukungqubuzana, zibuze: 1) uyini umgomo wokunakekelwa kwami? 2) Ngizokwenzenjani mina nezenzo zami ngokomzwelo nomuntu engikhathalelayo? 3) Yisiphi isisindo esihle kakhulu esingasisebenzisa ukuze ngifeze umgomo wami?
Ukunakekelwa kokunakekelwa okuphumelelayo kusekelwe "emagqumeni okuphila" kunokuba "abamhlophe" noma "abamnyama" ngokugcwele. Ngokusebenzisa lezi zinyathelo ezintathu ngaphambi kokuthatha isinqumo ngokuphikisana, uzothola ukuthi eziningi zokuziphatha okungenakulungile okubangelwa ukungqubuzana kungaba kunciphisa.